Sammy is the only woman Ive had sex with and that was tonight. I replied Yes I know, dont worry about it. He said Its weird, I love Sammy, Ive loved h...r ever since I was four years old, She is the only woman I could ever… Well I dont know if I can explain it, have you ever loved someone so badly that it hurts but you know its wrong and you can do nothing about it? I replied Not really. Dont get me wrong, I love Dave but thats how I feel about Sammy, it hurts me that Im gay when I love her so. What's next? Well, whathappens next can vary a lot, depending on a number of factors. (For thepurposes of this essay, we will only deal with male to femaletransformations). First, did you want this to happen? If you were atypical guy, and happy being one, this transformation represents thebiggest challenge of your life. The only non-magical equivalent might be losing your male parts suddenlyin an accident or due to disease. Suddenly, one of the fundamental waysyou defined yourself - as a male,. Not even little, two-bit nosebleeds, or quarterback fall-downs.So much for influencing events in general.But I could sure as hell fucking kill people. So I went back to focusing exclusively on that.Did I worry about the morality of offing perfect (okay, imperfect) strangers — willy-nilly?Nope. Not even a little bit. Maybe it was just the impersonal nature of the whole thing, but killing bad people didn’t strike me as something about which I should spend a lot of time brooding.But I did worry. Dammit, I am always such an idiot. To have said that last thing to her, after everything she had been through, was simply inexcusable. She was staring straight ahead. I swerved in front of a semi to pull us over to the shoulder. After stopping the car, I turned to look at her. ‘Dammit, Danny. Now you know why my longest relationship until now has been three months. I can’t stop saying the dumbest things at the times when they will hurt people the most. Look, you’re a rape victim and I let you.
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